


shores that cure

by idrilhadhafang



Series: The Broken Edge AUs [26]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Chubby Ben, Chubby Ben Solo, Fat Ben Solo, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Overeating, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, Writing Exercise, chubbyprompts, had to break the block somehow, roundelet's chubby prompt generator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 13:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12255213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After Thomas' death, Ben develops unhealthy coping mechanisms.From this prompt generator:http://ficprompt.hazeltw.me/chubbyprompts/For the prompt:The nightmares still wake him up more nights than not. But then Ben realizes that midnight snacks help quite a bit.





	shores that cure

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: So I had this idea for a while now. Also took the title from Placebo lyrics, more specifically, "I'll Be Yours". Also...I am so very, very sorry. In my defense, I was blocked.

Ben has always had some issues with food. Even as a child, he was considered quite underweight, and there were those who tried feeding him (Shara and Kes Dameron, for example) because they thought he was too skinny. He hasn't expected, though, for his issues with food to develop quite into this. 

He's out of Lisaris' clutches. He knows that now. Everything's all right. Except it's not. Every time he closes his eyes, he swears that he can see Thomas' body bleeding out in front of him, can hear Poe screaming down the hall. Lisaris, taunting him. And then there's the knowledge he failed that hits him whenever he opens his eyes. That knowledge that stings his eyes as he tries in vain to get back to sleep. 

_You'll never be strong enough. You weren't strong enough. You are no Jedi. If you were, you would have been able to be quicker._

_You failed Thomas, and you failed to protect Poe._

Ben can't deny it. It's the truth. He's failed. 

His stomach takes the opportunity to start gnawing at him and Ben pats it, trying to calm it as best he can. Of all the times for his hunger to act up, and it's not even breakfast yet...

_You'll never be strong enough._

_Never be good enough._

_Never_

_never_

_never_

"Shut up," he mutters. 

_You're a nothing, Ben. A no one. You don't deserve to be a Jedi Knight._

_There is no emotion..._

And Ben knows that the first line of the Code is a complete lie. 

His stomach gnaws at him again, and Ben growls in frustration. 

Sneaking down to the Enclave kitchens is pretty complicated -- there are some in the Enclave that are light sleepers. As he heads past Annie's room, he thinks he hears her stir, and he freezes. Times like this, he wishes he had Force camouflage. Then he hears her go back to sleep, and he heads back down to the kitchens. The fridge is right there, the cooks have retired for the night, and Ben's stomach growls again. 

"Easy," he mutters, giving it a pat. He opens the freezer, where a whole tub of chocolate ice cream sits, ripe for the taking. Ben prefers the mint, but, well, he doesn't mind the chocolate either. 

He's never eaten it straight from the tub before. He can remember vaguely being a child and Dad taking him out for ice cream on one of his visits. Up in his room, he eats from the tub, and there's something almost primal about it, scooping each bit into his mouth, tasting velvety chocolate on his tongue. After a while, his jaws ache, and his stomach, which is already aching, is straining against his robes. 

By the time he's done, Ben's stomach hurts and gurgles from all the food he's eaten, and he feels even more rotten than he did before. He rubs his stomach, groaning, his belly sore, but it's worth it when he manages to get to sleep without another image of Thomas' corpse in front of his eyes. 

***

It becomes a bit of a habit for him. Whether it be ice cream or other snacks that Ben finds in the night, Ben finds himself eating them, shoveling them down, and dealing with the mixed consequences -- a stomachache, but also reduced nightmares. He finds ways to try and alleviate it at dinner too, taking extra helpings, taking dessert too, but it's midnight typically when he snacks. He eats until he has a stomachache, and it's because of that that his body starts to change. Ben, with the exception of his convex belly that he hated, has generally been slender if also muscular. It's safe to say that his body's been getting thicker, his belly straining against his robes and his pants all but squeezing against it, his jawline getting softer and his arms and legs getting thicker. He feels heavy too -- even his new gut feels like a burden to carry around. 

He should stop by now. And yet, not eating means the nightmares. Not eating means the guilt. 

And he can't take that. 

***

Poe's doing better. He's healing, at least. Ben still feels guilty for not being able to protect him, as well as anger at Lisaris for hurting Poe. Poe's been staring a lot at his stomach, which has gone from convex but relatively small to a swollen potbelly pressing against his robes. It's getting bigger. Ben knows it may eventually rest on his thighs. But really, what can he do? His chin's softening even more too; Ben wouldn't be surprised if it became a double chin. And people around the Enclave -- of course -- are talking. Annie's worried about Ben's eating habits, but he's fine -- he still exercises relentlessly. There's still muscle underneath that new fat. He can work it off. It's not too late. Hopefully. 

It's one night when Ben's gorging himself on popcorn while they're watching Coruscant Knights that he lies back. Poe, too kind for his own good (and too effortlessly beautiful and brave and wonderful, Ben thinks even through his stuffed haze) doesn't make a comment about Ben's eating habits outside of, "How are you feeling?"

Ben opens his mouth, only for a hiccup to escape, much to his embarrassment. Poe doesn't laugh. He doesn't look disgusted either. He definitely doesn't call Ben any of the nasty names that Jimmy Nichos has decided to dream up using Ben's new weight as ammunition (which Ben ignores, but they hurt a little). Instead, he says, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Ben wheezes. "My belly -- rubbing it helps. Usually." Even as Poe rubs his full belly, it feels surprisingly good. Or maybe not so surprising. Poe's hands, unlike Ben's now larger ones, are small and nimble and slim, clever little pilot's hands, and Ben feels oddly jealous of Poe. Chiseled jawline, heroic-looking features...not to mention very elegant hands. 

Ben lies back, his heart fluttering at Poe's touch, and his arousal burning against his pants. He opens his mouth to let out a hard belch, and Poe doesn't even flinch, even as Ben excuses himself, suddenly embarrassed. 

"Let me help," Poe says, and his hand is Iego to Ben's swollen belly, rubbing it to ease the pain there. Ben purrs under Poe's touch, even as his tummy gurgles. 

"You're really full, aren't you?" Poe says sympathetically. 

Ben moans.

"I know Master Naris and the others have been giving you a hard time. I just wanted to say...you're better than they are. You always have been."

"Thank you," Ben says. He sighs. "They are right, though. I do need to lose weight."

"What's going on?" Poe gives his belly a pat, and it feels incredibly good. With Poe rubbing his belly, Ben can swear he's about to fall asleep, and he's not complaining at all. 

"Nightmares."

"Anything I can do?" Poe says. 

"Rub me. Please."

Poe does, and Ben falls asleep just then, to the soothing feeling of Poe rubbing his large belly.  

 


End file.
